Long road to haul

The last few days have been better. I forgot to get a refill on a med and I went a little loopy and crazy. I have to remember that these help me to stay a sane person. I am glad that it is helping. My hubby has been so supportive of all my craziness. I love him so much and I know I can be the person I want to be.

I found this quote and love it!

“When you feel overwhelmed by expectations and challenges, do not fight the
battle alone. Follow the example of small children, and drop to your knees in
prayer.”

Anthony D. Perkins

Scar tissue is a B!@#$

I have wanted to write this for over a week now but I am afraid to admit that this is what is going on. I feel dumb and misunderstood.

So all the health things may truly be scar tissue (adhesion's)……why has it taken two YEARS for someone to figure this out? I am not a paid professional how could I have know that is was adhesion's and scar tissue. This sucks it just brings me back to almost 7 years ago when I had peritonitis and almost died. It makes me so angry that I am still dealing with this and probably will for the rest of my life. I want to be up and happy but really I want to climb in a hole and never come back. I know I am only here right now because of my babies and dh.

Plus there is nothing that can be done till the end of this month or next month. I want answers NOW. I have been through so much and now I have to wait longer. What if it isn’t scar tissue that I am imagining all of this? I am just not sure what to do about it. But my abdomen hurts everyday it never stops. I feel so alone and every day, I feel like if I stay locked in my house that way no one can the real me.

This scares me more than words can say, I have so much more I want to say I just don’t know what to say anymore. I have break downs and it just seems like I keep trying and praying and reading scriptures. Day in and day out I want to be free of the changes that bind me here. I want my sisters and brother, I want things I may never have because my mind doesn’t seem to be able to make any sense of what is really going on.