Scar tissue is a B!@#$

I have wanted to write this for over a week now but I am afraid to admit that this is what is going on. I feel dumb and misunderstood.

So all the health things may truly be scar tissue (adhesion's)……why has it taken two YEARS for someone to figure this out? I am not a paid professional how could I have know that is was adhesion's and scar tissue. This sucks it just brings me back to almost 7 years ago when I had peritonitis and almost died. It makes me so angry that I am still dealing with this and probably will for the rest of my life. I want to be up and happy but really I want to climb in a hole and never come back. I know I am only here right now because of my babies and dh.

Plus there is nothing that can be done till the end of this month or next month. I want answers NOW. I have been through so much and now I have to wait longer. What if it isn’t scar tissue that I am imagining all of this? I am just not sure what to do about it. But my abdomen hurts everyday it never stops. I feel so alone and every day, I feel like if I stay locked in my house that way no one can the real me.

This scares me more than words can say, I have so much more I want to say I just don’t know what to say anymore. I have break downs and it just seems like I keep trying and praying and reading scriptures. Day in and day out I want to be free of the changes that bind me here. I want my sisters and brother, I want things I may never have because my mind doesn’t seem to be able to make any sense of what is really going on.